Sex Month: Did Someone Say DILF? History's Unsung Hotties

Hi Euripedes, you wouldn't know it because you don't read our descriptions, but today's episode is the FIRST episode of Sex Month™,  a month where we talk about sex, much to our surprise. Join Quill & Audrey as they struggle to find historical figures who haven't committed horrific hate crimes in order to rank them from most to least sexy. Did someone include Joseph Stalin on their sexy list? We didn't, because he falls under the umbrella of hate-crime-committer (and also genocide), yet is widely-recognized as one of the hottest figures in history. Yikes.

Cameos include:

• Teddy Roosevelt's bleached munch beard, diminished lung capacity, and penchant for squares
• Jacqueline Dufresnoy's superior beauty, trans activism, and Leo-like tendencies
• Marie Antoinette's cantankerous audacity, headless body, and phat ass 
• Tenzing Norgay being a tenacious short king who hikes with Hillary Clinton, and who will generously mount your Everest 
• Helen of Troy's juicy ass launching a thousand ships. And that's on Helen. 
• Cabanel's Fallen Angel, otherwise known as Lucifer, emotionally-intelligent gay icon with calves for DAYS

K cool we're kind of over it, see you for the second episode of Sex Month™